I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
