I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
