why im i the only drunk person in the library?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize