Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
