the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize