Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
