I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
