Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
