Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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