Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
