we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize