My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
