I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
