i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
