If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
