I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
