I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
