If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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