So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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