I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
