Do you still have your period?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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