I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
