Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
