She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
