i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
