I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
