u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
