Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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