She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
