my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
