I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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