If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
