I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize