you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
