this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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