Yo dont text me then not text me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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