you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
