Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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