Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize