It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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