Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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