guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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