Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Green mimosas i think yes
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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