Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
