im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
