clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
