So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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