Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
