five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
