What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize