Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
