I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
