:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize