so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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