so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
