We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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