my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
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