Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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