What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize