whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
