dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
