so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
