I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
