if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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