just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
