I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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