is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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