I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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