Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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