how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I still have a little drunk in my system
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
