Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
