You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
