i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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