i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
