I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
