i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
